Abbie will be leaving us soon. She will be living with a Menonite family near the prison. I am awaiting a call from a lady in charge of placements. She called the other day, but I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone.
I never know a person could hurt this badly or cry this much. I can't sleep or eat. I just cry. Abbie senses our tension and is fussy. I am taking tons of pictures and some home movies. I hope to find her one day when she is older. I can show her all that I have. It pains me that she won't ever know how much we love her. But I am glad that she is too young to know what is going on. I would hate for her to be hurt by all of this.
I feel like my heart will burst. I am losing my baby!!! I won't get to see her first steps, or hear her first words. I will never kiss her boo-boos or feel her little arms around my neck. I won't get to teach her to pray or the words to "Jesus Loves Me". Can anything be worse than this? I continually cry out to God to change the birth mom's heart.
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